I have had similar experiences, so you are not alone. I started binge eating to cope with the loneliness and depression of being a mom. For years, I didn’t exactly wish we’d never had him, but I knew for certain I didn’t want another.
Now he’s 4 and he has so much personality, and he shows love and sometimes even interest in me. I can talk to him, and when the two of us hang out together, just us, at times it’s like he’s a friend. I still LOVE when he goes to bed at night and school during the day, and I often wish I could just not have to be with him when he comes home from preschool. But I like him enough that I actually consider having another child now.
Another friend once told me that her husband just didn’t have much use for their 3 children (meaning he didn’t find joy in having them) until they each turned 4. So I think 4 is a magic age where kids are sufficiently independent and able to converse and understand, so life with them becomes more fun than not.
Hang in there. You’re not the only one, and it probably will get better.